Regrets

I have gone a good majority of my life saying to myself and others, “never have regrets – live and learn”. But after some of the mistakes from this year, I have come to realize that having no regrets is a hard things to do.

Regret:
(Noun) A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
(Verb) Feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, esp. a loss or missed opportunity).

It’s hard to mess up and not feel bad about it, or regret it. In fact, it’s human nature to feel disappointed about a judgement or action gone wrong, especially when others are involved. Show me a person that messes up to the point that their lives and the lives around them have changed for the not so better, and I’ll show you a person with no conscience or soul.

Throughout life, there are several things that, if I could, I would change. I’d like to say that I wouldn’t change anything because it would change the person I am today. But honestly, I can’t say that being a tab bit different would be a bad thing. And I can’t say that I wouldn’t change anything if I knew that doing it differently would have a more positive effect on those that were affected by my past actions.

Among the several things that I regret, there is one thing in particular that I regret more than most – not showing the ex Mrs. that I cared, when in fact I did. In becoming a “hard to impress” type of guy, I have also become a “hard to show emotion” type of guy. That’s not really who I am and it’s among the list of things that I now know I need to correct.

I heard something interesting today –

Saying that you don’t love someone that you once loved more than anything in the world anymore would be a lie, wouldn’t it?

It’s very true. And thus, I will never say that I don’t care for the ex Mrs. Instead, I will simply say that I wish things had gone differently… better. And that if I am ever given the chance to have that kind of love again, I won’t make the same mistakes again.

 

Hard To Impress

This past month, I’ve had the opportunity to hang out with a lot of people that I haven’t seen in quite a long time. Each one has recanted the past and we have talked out the present and future, even if only for a brief moment. But there was one statement that has stuck me with…

Scott, I love you! Do you know why I love you? ‘Cause there is no impressing you! You have seen it, and done it all.

I have seen, and done a lot of things. I have been around the world. Seen different countries. Met countless people. I have become a jack of all trades, but a master of very few. And in doing so, I have become a critic, a cynic, a philosopher, and a person that is, by all rights, very hard to impress. But I am not impressionable impossible.

In fact, there are a lot of things that impress me.

I am impressed with technology – things are always getting smaller and better.
I am impressed with people that can do things I can’t, now or ever.
I am impressed with people that say they are going to do things, and actually do it. This one saddens me a little because it seems that we have come to a time when the streets are filled with liars and thieves. I say, “to a time”, as if this is a new thing, but it’s really not. I do realize that things don’t really change. Issues from the past will be issues from the future, and the cycle will just repeat. But I have just now come to terms with this fact, so I am at the time in which me saying “to a time” makes absolute sense. The question(s) that should be asked is “Where has the integrity gone”? Why has it become all too common that people don’t follow through? Why has it become so easy to NOT keep the word?

I am impressed with my daughter. Every day, she does something new to me. Every day she hugs and kisses me. Every day, she is everything I have ever wanted.

This whole “impossible to impress” statement has brought to mind other statements made in the past. One in particular is made by the ex Mrs…

Scott, you have so much to be thankful for, but you’re never happy… you always want bigger and better

Again, not completely true, but it does make sense. If I am looking for something, or someone to keep my interest, I would indeed be looking for something, or someone to impress me. If I am hard to impress, then the things that don’t hold my attention don’t always make me happy. If I am not always happy, then I must either move along or settle. Settling is not in my nature, though I agree, I should probably learn to do it.

This only leads me to one conclusion… Impossible to impress leads to very possible difficulties.

 

Blessings

Thanksgiving this year was a pretty good one. I got to spend time with my family and see people that I haven’t seen in quite some time. I even got to eat Thanksgiving dinner with my daughter. As far as I know, this was her first REAL thanksgiving (one in which she was able to eat real food, not formula), and as far as I know, she enjoyed every bite. She does love her food!

Among the people that I had the privilege of seeing this weekend was a good friend from high school which I feel is probably one of the most kindhearted people I know. I think anyone that knows her would agree with this statement. Just being around her, you can’t help but smile. Among the many things that stand out about her, one really grabs my attention – the very important fact that her and her husband have been kind enough to open their home and hearts to four very lovely children.

Being Thanksgiving weekend, her and her children made the trip to come see family. I was fortunate enough to see them and spend some time catching up. Things were going well with most of the visitors at least half way to the state of inebriation when one of the children wanted to hear a song. It was a rather sad song, but had a great message – Blessing, by Laura Story.

This song stopped me dead in my tracks and made me look at the child and now mother. The sight and song actually made my heart swell and I had to fight back a tear. Then I thought, “wow… what a great memory”.

As I do not disclose names in this blog, I will refer to her Mrs. Adopt.
To Mrs. Adopt – You are a great mother and an even greater person. I am blessed to have my family and my daughter in my life, and I am blessed to call you a friend. Your children are blessed to call you their mother. Even more so, the world is blessed just to have you, and people like you in it.

Thank you to all the people that made this Thanksgiving a very memorable one. I am truly blessed to have you all my life. =)

 

Rules to live by…

Hello my old friend, it’s been a while. Since last, I have had to take a good hard look at myself and realize that my asshole ways have gotten in the way of the things that I had at one time cared about the most. That’s right, I have gotten in my own way, and my marriage is the one that suffers the consequences.

I knew it was bad, but I didn’t actually picture it getting to this level. Now many things in which I have worked for are slipping away with the greatest of ease. And there is no one to blame, regardless of what others say, but me. It does take two to tango, but what you want is not always just given to you. No need to feel any sympathy, empathy, sorrow or pain for me, or us… that won’t help anything. We’ve all got to live and learn.

Instead, I’ve come up with a list of rules.

1. Choose your battles. I can’t even count how many times this has been said to me, but I never really seemed to listen. I knew that they were right, and I always told myself that the next time I was going to heed this advice. But in the heat of the moment, I wanted… needed… to be right. Or even more so, I couldn’t let others be wrong. I’d like to say that I have learned my lesson, but I am sure that there will be several more times in which I will look back and say “should have just quit while you were ahead, you fool”.

2. Chivalry is NOT dead. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Chivalry starts with you, so if you don’t think it’s there, then it probably won’t be. Guys, get over yourself and open the freaking door. Will Smith had it right when he sang “Hold doors, pull out chairs, easy on the swears”… It doesn’t take a lot and the small gestures mean so much. Gals, be easy on the guys when they don’t get it the first time. Remember, it’s got to start somewhere, and it could very well be with you. Give hints and hope they get it. If you must, speak up, but try not to be pushy.

3. Leader and Boss are two different things. No matter how much you may or may not agree, it’s true. Respect is earned, not given. The title “boss” represents someone which was put in a place of power and is in temporary control. The title “leader”, however, represents someone who people follow because they are worthy of being followed. Because the followers trust that person to get the job done regardless the caliber of difficulty. If you want something done, you should either do it yourself or be a leader. Bossing people around does nothing but sets a timer for how long people will listen.

4. Crying has it’s limitations. There is no shame in crying every now and then. But don’t be that person who is so emotional that the sunset makes you cry. In addition, guys, you must control it and cry only when it’s really needed. I’ve heard that your woman will lose respect for you if they see you cry, and though I don’t completely agree, I have to say that for the most part, it’s true. We guys are supposed to be the rock… the shoulder to cry on, not the one who always needs a shoulder. How well does a sponge stand up when you need a rock? Don’t confuse this with being a “softy”, because there is a difference.

5. Change if you must, but do it for you. This is so important. People change over time and they do so for their own reasons – it either behooves them because of circumstances or just helps them to be a better person or the person they want to be. But I cannot stress enough that we must change because it’s what we want. Don’t let anyone change you because it benefits them. All too often, this ends poorly. But if you are going to do something, you should do it to the best of your ability… if you’re set on being a superstar, shine bright. If your plan is to be an asshole, be relentless. On the opposite end, we should not try to change people because it benefits us. We can guide and show examples of how we want something done or someone to be, which all goes back to rule 3. If the person doesn’t want to change, they won’t. And if this means that the person isn’t the one for you, then so be it. Let it go.

6. Be limitless. Keep your mind open, and always try new things. If this means you must stay outside of your comfort zone, then get comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. People often do not succeed because they are afraid to try, afraid to lose, or afraid to fail. That’s no way to live. You fail only if you quit, so stand up and TRY. If you don’t succeed, find your mistakes and correct them, then try again. Just remember that when you are ready to quit, you are probably closer than you think you are. But, if you are unable to try again, you can at least say you tried. “It’s better to have tried, then regret not trying”. In addition, you should never say that you don’t like something if you haven’t tried it. If you’re not going to try it, then you should have a good reason of why you feel that you won’t like it, and stick to it. But these times should be few and far between.

7. Always look at problems from multiple angles. So many times, we see one side to the problem that is nagging at us, and we fail to see that it’s not as complicated as it seems. This also pertains to actions of people. Don’t be so quick to judge before asking “why?”. There may be a reason that things happened that way. If you can do this, you may find that people aren’t as bad as they seem… they also may not be as smart as they seem.

8. Be a “stand up” person. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Don’t sugar coat it, or kind of sort of do that which you promise to do. Say it like you mean it, and do it. You should also try to do it in a timely manner or in the timeline you have given. It’s also a good idea to decide on what you want quickly.

“A good plan violently executed today is far better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” ~ General George S. Patton

9. Forgive at least once. Many people say forgive and forget, or just forgive quickly. This works to an extent. Some people are prone to repeat the same mistakes and if they do so on purpose, then they should not be so easily forgiven. But we all make mistakes, some larger than others. No matter what was done, if the actions were not done deliberately to hurt you or others, then you should make a valiant attempt to forgive. I understand that once trust is broken, it’s hard to get it back. But it’s not impossible… unless you are unwilling to try.

10. Smile. There is always a reason to smile… you just have to find it. Don’t take yourself too seriously, and never expect life to be fair. It’s not. It’s cruel and does unmentionable things to us, especially when we are down. But if you can laugh at yourself, laugh at life, you WILL be a stronger person. Laugh at the wind. Laugh in the face of danger. Smile.

 

The Philosopher

A while back, I mentioned that my philosophy class has made me think that I was, myself, a philosopher. Philosophy is just a study of general and fundamental problems with life and existence, and there are no right or wrong answers. Once an answer has been proven to be correct and true, it becomes science and is no longer considered to be a school of thought… or so they say. I think science takes a lot of thinking, but that’s my opinion.

Basically, anyone can be a philosopher, but the depth in which they consider philosophy differs. But I have proof that I may be more of a philosopher than I originally thought…

In class, we have recently spoke about topics that I have previously discussed. One topic, (which I got a bit of grief over) was that of colors and refers to that of the “Inverted Spectrum“. A second topic is helping others and refers to a thought process called “Psychological Egoism“.

Go ahead and click on the above links… I’ll wait…

The latter of of the two above topics brings up some interesting points. Psychological egoism states that everything we do is done to benefit ourselves. If we help someone, it’s because we hope that someone would help us. If we do something for someone else, it’s because we want something done for us.

In my post about helping others, I found a research that shows a scientific explanation of why people help others. In psychological egoism, the scientific method means nothing.

So… is there a selfless act? Can people not help others just because? Does living by the “Golden Rule” mean that we are all selfish? If that’s the case, who are our friends? Kind of makes you think, huh? I like to think that people can help others without wanting anything in return. If you have the ability to help someone out, why not? Asking if it would hurt you may seem like it’s walking the line of egoism, but in the case of philosophy, what doesn’t walk a line?

My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.
~Monty Python